I’m tired of all those things I don’t like getting in the way of things that I do like. Or things that I don’t like just sort of being around.  I wish someone would create a thing to get rid of the things that I don’t like.  An Unlikablethingnegator.  Who’s with me?  We can all have Unlikablethingnegators, each with a unique setting controlled by a FiOS cable ($89.99 a month) connected directly to our brains.  That way we won’t even have to consciously think about all the things we don’t like.  Your synapses just fire away, vaporizing all those nasty things you don’t remember existing.  What a perfect world that would be.  Of course, we would have to consider the inevitability that specific people (maybe YOU!)  would surely be on another person’s list of things he or she doesn’t like.  I say this from experience, knowing that I’m not fond of those who believe that America has dominion over other nations and the environment.  And they, being the douche-bags they surely are, must think of me as a liberal pussy-faggot.  For example, here is a list of all the people who, should I ever get my hands on an Unlikablethingnegator, would waft in all their unlikeyness up into the ether:

• Folks who don’t say “thank you” when I hold the door open for them
• Those who don’t hold the door for me
• People who bring Coors to a party
• Bullies who do it in the name of religion
• Bullies who do it in the name of Darwin
• Steven Soderberg (for making Contagion)
• Al Gore (for inventing the internet, which allowed me to “purchase”  Contagion)
• The unknown patient zero who will spread MEV-1 to all of us
• All American politicians (except for Bernie Sanders because his accent is neat)
• People who make blanket statements about entire nations, races, and/or ethnicities
• The religious right
• Party-line anybodies
• The conspiratorially minded (both people that conspire and those who fantasize about ridiculous conspiracies (see Reptiods))
• Mermen (they exist)
• The inventor of licorice and licorice flavored liqueurs (probably already dead)
• The 1%
• The 1% of the 1%
• The 1% of the 1% of the 1% (there is no way those white guys are doing good in the world)
• Murderers
• Rapists
• Thieves of the poor
• Suppliers of the rich (excluding the wage workers from whom their wealth was mined)
• Genocidal regimes and individuals
• Generic and unique evil-doers
• People who say, “Sure Bob Dylan is a great songwriter. I just don’t like his voice.”
• People who think Adele covered Garth Brooks’s song “[To] Make You Feel My Love” (see above).
• And Grover Norquist (not to be confused with this Grover)

Tags: Al Gore, bullies, Contagion, Coors, Darwin, Grover Norquist, likable, people, religion, religious right, reptoids, Steven Soderberg, unlikable